Choice of Suicide, Needing You
by SuperheroPajamaGirl
Summary: Song fic using Smile Empty Soul's "Finding Myself". PG-13 for security and content; involves cutting. Some comical relief, but not much. Very angsty. RavCy Please R&R :) [completed]


Note: This is a one shot. Repeat: this is a one shot. Shall I repeat the repeat, or would that be repetitive?? lol  
  
RM: Wow, this one's depressing. I love both songs in this fic! The main one throughout the whole thing is "Finding Myself" by Smile Empty Soul, and the other one (only about half of it is used I this fic) is "Just Like Heaven" by Goldfinger. Please read the warning (accordingly labled "warning"). Thank you, and enjoy! Please don't forget to review! (and, nooo, I couldn't italicize the songs cuz I have a really old version of MS Word, and it screws up the spacing when I post it, every time I try. So I just do it in Notepad, which doesn't have any choices. I'm very sorry!)  
  
WARNING: Some mature context (cutting, nothing else). If you don't like it, please don't read it.   
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans, or the songs "Finding Myself" and "Just Like Heaven".   
  
word, word, word = song  
  
word word = emphasis   
  
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Choice of Suicide, Needing You  
  
She had tried, honestly she had. She had tried for him, for her, for them. But even they didn't know what went on in her mind. No one did. It was just too late.  
  
Raven locked the door to her room. Now even if she screamed he couldn't save her. Walking slowly though the dim light, she sat down on her circular bed. Staring down at her closed night stand drawer she wondered if she could really do this.  
  
I don't care anymore  
  
If I let you down  
  
I believe that I need to be free  
  
I'm so used to my life with you around  
  
I don't know anymore the real me  
  
Opening the drawer, she pulled it out by the handle. Black plastic, it wasn't serrated so there would probably be little pain. Still, a pang of guilt washed over her. What if--but this was no time for 'what if's or 'but's. She had to do what she knew was right, what was right for all of them. This was no selfish act on her part.  
  
And I thought that I found myself today  
  
And I thought that I had control  
  
All the change in my life just fell away  
  
For a moment I didn't need you  
  
Cyborg clicked away furiously on the hand-held control while motor sounds came from the large speakers in the front of the room. He was on the edge of his seat trying to beat the green boy beside him at Highspeed Raceway # 5 level 20, he had caught up to his skill level. His concentration broke as a chair moved across the floor in the kitchen. He looked back to see Raven getting up from the table and putting a cup in the sink before leaving down the hall. Not one "hey, you're loosing", "don't look at me you freak", or even a "he's beating you". Something was wrong. There was a crash on the screen as Beast Boy's car rammed his off the course, consequently winning the level. The green boy shot up.   
  
"Oh yeah, iz my birthday! Not really, party anyway!" He sang out, moving his arms in circles before him in a classic happy dance. Cyborg stood up and walked past his gloating teammate without a word. He had a bad feeling about this one. She hadn't talked to anyone in a few days. Not since the last battle.  
  
Beast Boy, heart set on rubbing in the victory, stopped. "Hey! Don't be a sore looser, Cy!" Cyborg just shook it off without looking back. He'd show him, but after checking up on Raven first.  
  
All these tears that I cried  
  
you must be tired of  
  
taking care of me but  
  
its what you do best and  
  
I'm a liar 'cause  
  
really its what I need  
  
He spotted Raven stepping into her room, closing the door behind her. Breaking into a run, Cyborg heard the exact sound he didn't want to as he came within earshot: the click of the lock. He stopped running and smacked his forehead with the palm of his mechanical hand. It was too late. She would never let him in, even if there was trouble. And if there wasn't? He'd look like a head-over-heels fool--again.  
  
And I thought that I found myself today  
  
and I thought that I had control  
  
all the change in my life just fell away  
  
for a moment I didn't need you  
  
She stopped. There was something she had to do first. Setting the knife down on her bed, Raven stood and walked over to her dresser. There she picked up the mirror to her mind and, with all the force in her, threw it against the wall. The glass shattered into millions of pieces and sprayed in all directions. There. No one could know the pain anymore. At least they couldn't see it, even if they knew it already. That was the best she could do. Returning to her bed, she sat down and picked up the knife once again. It felt odd in her fingers, as she had simply used her powers to cut things when needed in the past. Examining the blade itself she noticed lettering near the tip. Apparently it was from a cooking show hotline. Who'd have known.  
  
Placing the middle on her wrist she took a deep breath. Now. It had to be now.  
  
someone like you someone like me  
  
maybe its change  
  
that set you free  
  
free  
  
Cyborg slowed to a walk as he approached the door. There was a crash inside. Something glass. His fingers flew on the keypad beside the door trying to disable the lock, but it was no use. Quiet. It was eerily quiet for a place that something had exploded in to be. The words "PASSWORD, PLEASE" flashed red on the small screen. "Yea, I'll give you a password, just let me in," He muttered. Racking his brain for possible eight letter passwords, something hit him like a brick. He typed in "PASSWORD" and the little lock on the screen opened, signaling it was right. Thank God for his girl, he knew her pretty well.  
  
And I thought that I found myself today  
  
And I thought that I had control  
  
All the change in my life just fell away  
  
For a moment I didn't need you  
  
With ease she slid it across the spot she had planned. First a flood pain, then a lightheaded feeling. She closed her eyes and went over the same place. A rush throbbed in her head, making her vision swirl. She could feel her pulse in both wrists, and she knew it had worked. But the dizziness became stronger. Nothing felt right. Her heart beat irregularly slow and her lungs burned. Then something happened that didn't register. Just as things were slipping she recognized a familiar voice calling her name.  
  
"Go away," She whispered. The handle was taken from her loose grip and there was a clank across the room. She began to shake and realized she was laying on her blue bed sheets, and someone was shaking her shoulders. It look a few moments to focus, but then there was Cyborg, sitting beside her and wrapping her wrist in something rough. Reaching up and touching the human part of his face, she smiled and shook her head. Something wet rolled down her fingers and far away words met her ears. Now was not the time to play hero, Cy.  
  
And I thought that I found myself today  
  
And I thought that I had control  
  
All the change in my life just fell away  
  
For a moment I didn't need you  
  
There was blood all down her arm and on her legs. How could he have let this happen? How? He was so stupid! He should have known she...when that villain.... His thoughts fought with themselves a million miles a minute as he picked her limp body up in his arms. "Robin! Beast? Somebody help!" He yelled, running out of her room and down the hall.  
  
"Show me, show me, show me, how you do that trick, the one that makes me scream, she said," Raven whispered softly with a small smile. "The one that makes me laugh, she said, and threw her arms around my neck...Show me how you do it and I promise you...I promise that I'll run away with...I'll run away with you. Spinning on that dizzy ed..edge...I....I kiss..," She faded out and her eyes drooped. Cyborg held her tight.  
  
"Come on, Rae, talk to me," Cyborg reached the living room where Beast Boy was playing another game.  
  
"Cy-" He started, then stopped as he noticed Raven. "W-wha'd you do?? I mean, wha'd SHE do??"   
  
"No time, go get Robin!" Raven sighed and closed her eyes. Cyborg placed her on the couch. He got down in his knees (eye level for her), and put a strand of her lavender hair behind her ear. She smiled weakly. Cyborg unwrapped the cloth, which had once been part of her sheet, from her wrist. The cut wasn't that deep, but...damn. Blood was everywhere.  
  
"Cy, I don-" She gasped, eyes wide open now, as he touched the edge of the wound.  
  
"What?" He prompted, tying it again. She swallowed, closing her eyes once again, and placed her head on his big shoulder.  
  
"I thought...that I didn't need you, but now I lost myself," She groaned and rubbed her wrist.  
  
"I found ya, you aren't lost, baby girl, now stay with me," There were heavy footsteps in the hall and Robin ran in, Starfire and Beast Boy right behind him.  
  
"What happened to her?!" Robin questioned.  
  
"I'm not lost?" Raven whispered into his shoulder. Cyborg kissed her forehead.  
  
"Uh-uh," Robin rushed over to them and Cyborg let her go, laying her down again. Her fingers curled around his.  
  
"Don't leave me," She said sleepily. Robin looked at him friend with confusion. Cyborg just smiled.  
  
"I won't, Ravie, I won't,"   
  
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END  
  
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.::dabs at eyes with tissue::. I love this one :) Just for the record I have never cut my wrist in my life, and don't plan on it. Not my choice of suicide. That said, I wanna thank everyone who reviews. If you have any comments you didn't/couldn't say in your review feel free to e-mail me at GrayNightmarejuno.com , I will always reply. Thank you :) 


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